RITES OF PASSAGE

Coming of Age

This Coming of Age Service was done after over six months of youth and their mentors meeting regularly and talking about spirituality, beliefs, and life. This service was done as an intergenerational Sunday worship service. It marked the end of that Coming of Age program for the youth. I worked closely with the Ann Scott, the Director of Religious Education in planning the Coming of Age program and the closing Sunday Worship service.

When I was Interim Assistant Minister at First Unitarian Church in Wilmington, DE and responsible for the religious education program, I planned, conducted, and led the complete Coming of Age program, including a weekend vision quest retreat at a Campfire Girls camp in the woods of Pennsylvania and the closing worship service (that was similar to the one at the Unitarian Society of Germantown).

Prepared by
Ann J. Scott, Director of Religious Education
and
 Rev. Paul Hull, Interim Minister

INGATHERING MUSIC

THE BELL

OUR LIFE IN COMMUNITY

PRELUDE

CHALICE LIGHTING

We light this chalice to remind ourselves of our highest aspirations,
And inspired to bring our gifts of love and service to the altar of humanity.

May we know once again that we are not isolated beings
But connected, in mystery and miracle, to the universe,
To this community and to each other.

OPENING WORDS       Paul & Ann, read as a litany #649 "from Generation to Generation" 
by Antoine De St.-Exupery

HYMN #138  "These Things Shall Be"

CALLING THE FOUR DIRECTIONS  Ann Scott

Please rise as you are willing and able for the calling of the four directions?

As we call to each direction, please turn to face that direction. We will begin with east which is the front of the Sanctuary, then North,
West and South.We call to the Sprit of the East. 
That the light that comes with the dawn.
Bring clarity to our minds and hearts.
We call to the Spirit of the North.
That the solitude that comes in silence
Bring peace to our minds and hearts.
We call to the Spirit of the West.
That the darkness that comes with the setting of the sun
Bring courage to our minds and hearts.

We call to the Spirit of the South. That the sweetness that comes on the breeze of springtime
Bring inspiration to our minds and hearts So be it.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE

APPRECIATION   Ann

Would the 7th & 8th grade Youth, their Parents, Mentors and Church School Leaders come forward and stand in a semi-circle on the Chancel Stage please?

The African saying is demonstrated this morning. It takes a whole village to raise a child. These eight young people are making the transition from childhood into adolescence on their way to adulthood. And in our situation it takes a whole congregation to raise a child.

First a special Thank You to longtime members of the Unitarian Society of Germantown, Martha M., Oscar M., Bernice M., Marion W., Peggy B., Bert L., Bill D. and Dennis B., who came and spoke in one-on-one conversations with the young people in our Coming of Age Program. We thank you for your time and willingness to share your experiences and enthusiasm for this community. Thank you.

We have four people who have been the leaders of the Coming of Age program this year. Jean M., Enrique M., Bob W. and Tim S., who couldn't be with us this morning. We thank you for your time, your patience and the respect you have shown these young people. We give you green and silver chalice pins tokens of our appreciation.

We have eight people who acted as Mentors to the eight young people we honor this morning.  Deb G., Ileen H., Jerry L.,  Enrique M., Rudy S., Andrea B.,  Wendy W. and Bob W.. We thank you for the time, respect and care you have given the young people in our Coming of Age program this year. We give you blue and silver chalice pins as tokens of our appreciation.
 
We have parents of the eight young people in our Coming of Age program this year. We thank you for the love, respect and commitment you have shown these young people.

We give you  a rose as a token of our appreciation. <to the congregaton> Will you join me in thanking all of these folks for their contributions to these young people and therefore our community? And for these eight young people, your parents have written their hopes for you. Please accept them and hold them, leaving them sealed until after the service. Please join me in singing the younger children out to the dining room where they will gather before going outside for land stewardship day.

HYMN 413 "Go Now in Peace"
 Go now in peace,
 Go now in peace,
 May the love of God surround you
 Everywhere, everywhere you may go.
(Children may go to the Dining Room to gather for Land Stewardship Day.) <The younger aged children leave for their religious education program at this time.>

THOUGHTS ON CREDO'S        Ann
These eight young people have spent the last three months thinking and talking about their beliefs. The began by drawing a picture of their lives up to 25 years of age. The most significant events, people, places so far. And then pictured themselves on into adulthood. They answered questions like: What happens after death? Why do people do bad things? Do the UU Principles have any relationship with my highest values? What are my values? And what ideas or concepts of a Life Spirit, a Connecting Source, God, Goddess fit with my experience or make sense to me? Their Mentors and Program Leaders answered all these questions along with them..  It's a courageous and sometimes unnerving for UU's to have to state - here's what I believe. It has been an honor to be a part of the sharing that eighteen people have done.

All the adults and youth have written credo statements of what their current beliefs, experiences, or thoughts are about some of the big question of human experience. The young people are here this morning to share theirs with you. Our third principle is "Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations." And the fourth principle is "A free and responsible search for truth and meaning." Our young people are living those principles this morning.

To let you all experience a glimpse of both the gift and the risk that answering these questions can be I would invite to respond to four statements, please. As I read each statement please stand if you believe it.. If it fits with your experience or makes sense for you. If the statement is a  something you're considering or somewhat feels write to you at this time, please raise your hand.

And just remain seated if the statement doesn't work for you at all.

Here's the first statement:

"I think of the Spirit as a creative force."

Stand if you believe it, raise your hand if it's sort of what you believe and remain seated if you don't believe it at all.

"I don't need the idea of a Spirit in this age of science."

"The Spirit or God/Goddess is a verb, not a noun. It is an on-going process."

"Spirit, to me, is the joyful essence of life-a dance- a song."

Thank you. I invite you to hold these young people in your hearts and minds as they take the very big risk of sharing their personal beliefs with you.

And to these young people in the words  Rainer Maria Rilke "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart And try to love the questions themselves." We begin with Nina G..

CREDOS by Nina G., Laura H., 
                        Skye S. & Caitlin S.

OFFERING

CREDOS by Jesse B., Chelsea D., Lyla D. & Sara S.

RITE OF PASSAGE

<Paul invites eight grade parents and mentors come forward and be seated with

parent sitting with they youth, and the mentors sitting across.>

This is a sacred time, in a sacred place. Native American religious traditions do not draw a distinction between the sacred and the not-sacred or secular as is done in the European religious traditions. The Native Americans speak of the sacred circle or hoop of a people and the sacred circle of the world. There are times however when it becomes necessary for the Native American to remind themselves of the sacred nature of the world so the Native American draws a sacred circle and steps inside. This assures that chants and ritual are used of a sacred nature to remind them of the sacredness of all of life.

This sacred circle creates what anthropologists call a liminal space where the usual structures of the world, the limitations that we place on ourselves and others, are suspended for awhile, and we experience the possibilities of opening fully to ourselves. Churches, at their best, are liminal spaces where we can try new ways of being.

If you stay around this church for awhile, you will find someone saying, while standing at this pulpit, something like "Oh I am basically a shy person, but it is through my experience in being with the church that I gave my first sermon here during a summer service and I discovered that I didn't have to necessarily see myself as a shy person. So here I am speaking to you today. Something that I  wouldn't have even considered doing five years ago." Or someone else might say, "Well, I have been this take charge sort of person all my life. I became impatient with too much talk and not getting things done quickly. Now I see things differently, having seen how if people feel that are heard, agree and buy into a decision how much more effective the outcome is and how quicker in the long run we get to results and the results are better than if I tried to push it through myself."
 
Churches are places where we can try out new ways of being a responsible human being without having to fear failing. So that is why the Coming of Age program is so important for these young people today. We have created a liminal space where the young people can try out ways of being a responsible human being and find out what works best for them and what is the most authentic expression of who they are. So today these youth step into the sacred circle of this church community in this sacred time of our Sunday worship service to be recognized in their coming of age--this transition from being a child to becoming an adult who is responsible for both self and community. We celebrate these youth in their full humanness, and we encourage them to see that all of life is a sacred journey to becoming a more full human being. And this journey last all of your life. May your journey be full of the delight of discovering new things about yourselves, may your journey bring you wisdom, and a richness of heart.

ANN: Four eighth graders, Jesse B., Chelsea D., Lyla D. and Sara S., are here this morning to take a new place in this beloved community. This morning, they move further away from childhood and closer to adulthood. These young people have spent many years in this community. They have come to church school here. They have spent the night in various rooms in this building, exploring corners many of us have never seen. They have hunted Easter eggs and for the last two years have done the hiding. They have been to countless Children's Chapels, inter-generational services, regular services.They have visited and worshiped with other religious traditions. They have seen older youth Come of Age, some have seen older siblings be honored in this very ceremony. They have been enriched by the rituals of our community. They have been enriched by what they have learned, by who they have known and what they have experienced in this community. And we have been enriched by their participation, their energy and their presence.  They are a part of the very fiber of this community and they come before this community today to be recognized and honored.

PAUL:

Will the parents and mentors to bring up their orders of service and come to the chance to share this moment with these young people. Linda G. and Bruce B., parents of Jesse B., will you take a candle to represent the life you have given Jesse? Rudy S., as Jesse's Mentor, please take the chalice and hold it as the representative of this community. Jesse will you take the candle from your parents representing the gift of life and nurturing they have given you? Please take the light of the this community as a symbol of the continuing support and care, along with your family, that we give you now and will continue to give you. Place your candle in the chalice as a symbol of your growing independence. Also, Jess please accept this chalice pendant in appreciation of the person you are.

Nancy and Dave D., parents of Chelsea D., please take a candle to represent the life and nurturance you have given Chelsea? Andrea B,, as Chelsea's Mentor, you hold the chalice as a representative of this whole community. Chelsea please take the candle from your parents representing the gift of life and nurturing they have given you? Please take the light of the this community as a symbol of the continuing support and care, along with your family, that we give you now and will continue to give you. Place your candle in the chalice as a symbol of your growing independence. Also, Chelsea, please accept this chalice pendant in appreciation of the person you are. . . . .

<<A similar presentation of parent, mentors, and youth were done for the other six youth.>>

<LOGISTICS
1. First mentor get chalice from table.
2. First parents get candle.
3. Youth comes forward.
4. Receives candle from parents
5. Youth lights candle and places it in the sand chalice
6.  Youth receives gift from Paul. (Maybe hands to them)
7. Youth, parents, and mentor stand behind table
8. Second mentor receives chalice
9. Repeat 2-7 for second group.>

CONGREGATIONAL RESPONSE

 We honor you who are coming of age. We are honored by your presence here. We have been moved and inspired by your Credos. We have received them as gifts for us your family, the family of this church, and the family of humanity.
We promise you our continued trust and caring, our wisdom, and our faith. We offer you our eyes that see you as you are and ears that hear you as you speak. We stand in your light as we dedicate ourselves to your journey. On this day we dedicate ourselves to creating a more just and loving world in which your lives may flourish.

HYMN 396 "I Know This Rose Will Open"
(make copies of congregational response and hymn on sheets for people up front)

 
CLOSING WORDS  "Hopes for Our Young People"  
Our closing words are taken from the hopes each of the parents has given their young person. We hope for you:That you will celebrate,  make something special of yourself and for yourself.

We hope joy and happiness in all you choose to do, in the major decisions of career and life-partner and in all the many more ordinary activities that will make up your every days

We hope that you continue to be thoughtful. For it is has given you understanding of others.

We hope that you embrace the textured woven mandala of your emotions and your rich and magical creativity that constantly evolves.

We hope that a love of learning, life, new experiences and challenges will be a part of how you view yourself.

We hope that you value family and friendships, and realize that relationships are dynamic, not static, that even the best have up's and down's.

We hope that you be happy. Of course, no one is happy all the time, life doesn't work like that. But hopefully you'll be happy more often than not and the hard times will help you appreciate the good.

We hope that you always surround yourself with people who love you and see the best in you.

We hope that you will always love yourself. We love you!

EXTINGUISHING OF THE CHALICE FLAME AND CHORAL BENEDICTION
 Paul extinguishes . . . .
Youth, mentees, and parents stand below the chancel steps to greet the congregation.

Wedding

My approach for weddings is to meet with the couple for several sessions to discuss their attitudes and expecations about marriage, and then to plan their wedding ceremony. I present the couple with a wedding manual that I have prepared that has a range of wordings for the various parts of the service--ranging from traditional ("I take thee . . .') to contemporary ("I love you and want to live with you as a married couple . . ."). The couple, with my guidance, selects the words and readings that most suit them and their families. The wedding manual also includes a planning guide for having weddings in the church--including discussions of any restrictions of use (such as not placing tape on walls and woodwork, guidelines for photography, etc.).

The following is an example of a wedding ceremony that I recently did for a young couple. She is an attorney in Boston, and he is a computer designer working in the Metro-West area outside of Boston. I also do a similar wedding or service of union for gay and lesbian couples.

The following wedding is a more traditional wedding ceremony. It is also a ceremony that I co-facilitated with two Roman Catholic priests who are friends of the bride's family. (The numbers in parentheses are from the wedding manual that I give the couple. I often joke with the couple saying that planning a wedding is similar to ordering Chinese food. "I will have A-1 for opening words, and a H-4 Benediction.")

 The Wedding of
Melissa J. C.
 and
Jonathan A. H.

Formal Giving of the Bride
J-1 Who gives this woman to be married to this man?

RESPONSE: Her mother and I do?

Opening Words (combination of A-1 and A-4)

 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together Jonathan A. H. and Melissa J. C. in the holiness of marriage.
 
They have desired our presence on this momentous day of their lives, as witness to the happiness which they have found together, and to the pledge which they will now make, each to the other, for the joint service of their common life.  We rejoice with them that they have found each other, and that they will henceforth find the deeper meaning and richness of human life through sharing it with each other.  Taught by our own joys, by our own failures, even by our
sorrows, we remind them that in marriage as in life, whosoever insists on saving their lesser goods and their little self shall miss whatever is greater, and that whosoever forget themselves in devotion to their beloved and in consecration to their common enterprise, is surest to find a full and happy life.

To be true, this outward ceremony is but a symbol of that which is inner and real; a union of hearts, which the Church may bless and the state make legal, but which neither can create.

You are both charged as you would answer in the secret places of your hearts, where no subterfuge or evasion may stand, to enter into this union in wholeness of spirit and without hidden obligation. 

Affirmation of Intentions (B-1)

Will you, Jonathan, take this woman, Melissa, to be your wedded wife to live together in marriage?  Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, in adversity and prosperity, in sorrow and joy, forsaking all others so long as you both shall live?

Jonathan: I will.

Will you, Melissa, take this man, Jonathan, to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage?  Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, in adversity and prosperity, in sorrow and joy, forsaking all others so long as you both shall live?

Melissa: I will.

Reading 1 – Sarah W. E.
1 Ruth 16-17

A reading from the Book of Ruth:
Ruth said, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. "Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the Lord do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me."

Song 1
The Wedding Song

Reading 2 – Marian R.

1 Corinthians 13
A reading from the First Letter of Paul to the Corinthians:

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.

Song 2
Follow Me

Vows (D-1)
Jonathan, please repeat after me:

I, Jonathan, take you, Melissa,/ to be my wedded wife, /to have and to hold from this day forward, /for better, for worse,/ for richer, for poorer, /in sickness and in health,/ to love and cherish, until death do us part.

Melissa, please repeat after me:

I, Melissa, take you, Jonathan, /to be my wedded husband,/ to have and to hold from this day forward, /for better, for worse,/ for richer, for poorer, /in sickness and in health,/ to love and cherish, until death do us part.

Blessing of the Hands

Please join hands for the “Blessing of Hands:” “These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and as in today, tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children, the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.”

Giving of Rings: (E-4)

 May I have the rings?

Symbolism of the Rings:

From time out of mind such symbolic acts as the giving of a ring have been a part of the celebration of marriage.  The circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe.  The circle has long been a symbol of holiness, of perfection, of wholeness.  In these rings it is also the symbol of unity, in which your two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle, in which wherever you go, you will always return to one another and to your togetherness. 

Exchange of the Rings (E-12)

Jonathan please take this ring and repeat after me: In token and pledge/ of our constant faith/ and abiding love/ with this ring I thee wed.

Melissa  please take this ring and repeat after me: In token and pledge/ of our constant faith/ and abiding love/ with this ring I thee wed.

Pronouncement (F-2)

Forasmuch as Jonathan and Melissa have consented together in marriage; and have witnessed the same before this company; and have engaged and pledged themselves, each to the other; and have declared the same by joining hands and the giving and receiving of rings; I ministering by the authority vested in my by my church and by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, so pronounce them husband and wife.

Reading 3--Terence Q. & Janet C. (Frederick Buechner  - from Beyond Words: Daily Readings in the ABC's of Faith (p.242-243))

(Terence)
They say they will love, comfort, honor each other to the end of their days.
They say they will cherish each other and be faithful to each other always.
They say they will do these things not just when they feel like it, but even --
for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health -- when
they don’t feel like it at all.
In other words, the vows they make could hardly be more extravagant.
They give away their freedom.
They take on themselves each other’s burdens.
They bind their lives together...
The question is, what do they get in return?

(Janet)
They get each other in return...
There will always be the other to talk to, to listen to... There is still someone to get through the night with, to wake into the new day beside.

They both still have their lives apart as well as a life together.
They both still have their separate ways to find.
But a marriage made in heaven is one where a man and a woman become more richly themselves together than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone.

Blessings
 Frs. S. & B.

Benediction/Closing (G8 & H-4)

LET US PRAY:
 In the quiet of this very special moment we pause to give thanks for all the rich experiences of life that have brought Jonathan and Melissa to this high point in their lives.  We are especially grateful for the values which have flowed into them from those who have loved them and nurtured them and pointed them along life’s way.  We are grateful that within them is a dream of a great love and the resources to use that love in creating a home that shall endure.  We are grateful for the values which they have found by their own strivings.  

And now, as they make their promises to each other, may they make them with the deepest insight into their meaning and with their fullest sincerity.  May this be the beginning of a relationship that will grow and mature with each passing year until the latter days become even more wonderful than the first.  Amen.

Blessing

Jonathan and Melissa, may you establish a home of warmth and understanding; may your lives be filled with peace and beauty; may you always exhibit to one another truth, sympathy, and love, and may the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you; may the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace this day and forever more.

Recessional

                                * * *

Dedications-Baptisms

Child dedications and baptisms are commitments that the child is to be brought up with a spiritual understanding of life and that this commitment is supported by family and church. I will not do a baptism that is for the purpose of washing away "original sin." I, however, have done baptisms, when I was a hospital chaplain, using traditional Christian language when the parents needed the assurance that the infant or child who was near death was going to heaven. In addition, in those times, I imparted the Universalist message that a loving God would not condemn an infant or child to punishment for a theological concept such as the "sin of Adam."

Here is a child dedication that I did in September 2009 at First Church, Lancaster, combing earth-centered and Christian influences. This child dedication was done during the regular Sunday worship service prior to the children going to their religious education classes. I do this so the entire church community participates in this joyous occasion:

         BAPTISM-CHILD DEDICATION 
                            OF
                    ELSE JANE F.

OPENING WORDS

At First Church, we celebrate many aspects of life. One of the most important among these are celebrations of children and the ceremonies where we bless the children and bless the work and love of their families.  The parents of this child have brought this child before us this morning.  In doing this you invite us into your lives and ask us to share in your commitment.  We are honored to join with you in dedicating ourselves to the nurturing of your child.

THE PLEDGE OF THE PARENTS
As parents of this child, in bringing her into this circle of humanity, you acknowledge her need for loving care and for understanding guidance. Do you promise, to the best of your ability, to lead her in the ways of integrity, of beauty, and of truth?

Parents: We do.

BLESSING WITH THE ELEMENTS:

Your child will live her life in the physical elements of this planet. The earliest humans recognized the elements that form our physical existence–earth, air, fire and water:  Earth to walk-on, to build our homes on, to grow our food, and create the beauty of gardens, forests and deserts; Air to breath, to carry the fragrances of the Earth, and to bring us the seasons; Fire to warm our bodies and to bring us together in human closeness; and Water the source of all biological life–that sustains all life. Humans, since the beginnings, have know of these life-giving elements, the spirit of the Holy than animates these elements, and have know the blessings they bestow on us. So let us bless this child with these elements.

MINISTER:
EARTH:  We bless you with earth . . . [parent places dirt in child’s shoe.] We place this earth in your shoe or in your hand.  Play on the Earth with joy and walk gently on the Earth, and be well-rooted in yourself, in your family, in your community, and in the soil of this planet.

AIR:  We bless you with air. . . [parent blows through child's hair.] May the winds of the sky and of space dance around you, reminding you that you are free.

FIRE:  We bless you with fire . . .[parent hand over a candle flame and places hand on child’s forehead.] May the warmth of the fire bring you the warmth of love in your heart,  bring you passion for living and compassion for all living things.

WATER:  We bless you with water, ancient symbol of purity and clarity and healing . . .[parent places finger tips into a bowl of water and touches finger tips to child’s forehead.] May your thoughts and feelings be clear and available, and whenever you are hurt, may you find friends and inner strength and feel the touch of the eternal bringing you to a wholeness again.

NAMING AND BAPTISM

Minister: In Christian scripture we are told that “Jesus came to John to be baptized by him. But John tried to make him change his mind. ‘I ought to be baptized by you,’ John said. ‘yet you have come to me!’”

Reader: “Jesus said, ‘Let it be so for now. For in this way, we shall do all that God requires.’ So John agreed.”

Minister: “As soon as Jesus was baptized, he came up out of the water, Then heaven was opened to him, and he saw the spirit of God coming down like a dove and lighting on him.”

Reader: “Then a voice said from heaven, ‘This is my own dear Son, with whom I am well pleased.’”

Minister: “At another time Jesus said: Go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. The sacrament of Christian baptism is an outward and visible sign of the grace of God. Inasmuch as the promise of the gospel is not only to us but also to our children, baptism with water and the Holy Spirit is the . . . sign and seal of their participation in God’s love and the beginning of their growth into” a full faith that Jesus meant to be the inheritance of all.

Let us pray: Gracious God, may this water be blessed by your Spirit, and by the power of the Spirit may only good come to this child throughout her life. May she be forever blessed by your Holy presence. May this water be forever symbol and substance of your presence in her. Amen.

Minister: By what name will your child be called?

Parents: [CHILD’S NAME]

Paul: <placing finger tips on water and placing them on child’s head.> ELSA JANE F., you are baptized in the name of God, who is the Oneness of all, in the name of Christ, who is God in human form, and in the name of the Holy Spirit who is God’s presence among us and in us. Amen.

*BLESSING OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS (UNISON READING)
We bless this child, and we are blessed by your presence here. We will honor your name and all you are.  We have received the gifts of your young life into the family of your parents, the family of this church, and the family of humanity.  We promise you our trust and caring, our wisdom, and our faith.  We offer you our eyes that see you as you are and ears that hear you as you speak.  We stand in your light as we dedicate ourselves to your young life.  On this day we dedicate ourselves to creating a more just and loving world in which your unfolding life may flourish.

MINISTER'S BLESSING:

Let us pray. O’ God, we have come here to welcome and bless ELSA JANE FISH in love as a new member of this family and the family of humanity. May her name that we have  dedicated be a name that is a light to all who hear it. ELSA JANE F. may your name be known for the joy and love, peace and happiness that you hold inside and that you let shine on all who enter the radiance of your life. May this life bless you always and may you find the growing that is your life rich with discovery and steeped in the love that passes all understanding. We ask this in all that is most sacred and holy. Amen.

Go in peace and always know that God is with you!

*HYMN “Child of Blessing, Child of Promise”   <3, =24> (#325, The New Century Hymnal–sing all four short verses)
(Children and youth may leave for their religious education classes during the hymn.)

Memorial Services and Funerals

As with weddings, I have a memorial service and funeral book that has words from various traditions--Christian, humanist, Jewish, Buddhist, Taoist. Sometimes I provide the book as guidance for the family of the deceased. But most often, I talk to the family to ascertain their preferences in theology. I often do a eulogy based on my discussions with the family so that it is reflective of their loved one. I frequently am praised about the quality of my eulogies as having captured the essence of the deceased person. When doing memorial services and funerals, I also bring in a wide range of writing from religious and literary sources.

The purpose of the funeral is to begin the process of grieving through remember the value of the life of the deceased. Here is a memorial service that I did for a woman who died of cancer. She and her husband were staunch Democrats. They had been campaign managers for John F. Kennedy's presidential campaign in Ohio and had attended the Camelot inaugural ball in Washington.

During one of my visits before Jean died, we discussed her wishes for her memorial service. As I was leaving Jean's bedside (which was to be her deathbed only a few days later), I asked her if I could do anything for her? She said, "There is one thing. I want to be cremated. I want you to talk to the funeral director to make sure that there are just my ashes in the crematorium. I don't want my ashes mixed up with a G__ D__ Republican's!"

Celebrating the Life of
JEAN V.
1921 -  1997
A ceremony of celebration and affirmation
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship ~ State College, Pennsylvania
Sunday, August 31, 1997
        
Opening music:  Brahms' Second Piano Concerto, second movement
    ("I thought I'd died and gone to heaven" -- Jean, 1951, hearing this after a long nap)

Chalice lighting              Nathan F.[grandson]

Introduction                    Rev. Paul Hull

We have gathered here for a time of celebration and affirmation, drawn by a common respect and love for Jean V. who has been precious to each of us, whether as an acquaintance, a friend, a member of the family--as grandmother, mother, as wife.

This is not an occasion for tears.  She would not have it so, nor would we, except that parting is painful.  But we have not come to say farewell, except in a transitory, outward sense.  Rather have we assembled for a higher purpose:  to lock into our hearts permanently the spirit of one whose deeds and thoughts are of everlasting value.  She might find the words of praise we will say here are overstated, however merited.  Nevertheless, we need this time to recall the values, hopes, and dreams she lived by, and, having her exemplification of them, we may the more readily make them our own.

Yet there is a mystery here as well. It is the mystery of death. For who knows what lies beyond our lives--just as we do not know what went before our births? Whatever the truth, the answer somehow lies in the interweaving of birth and death--in the beginnings and endings that weave the fabrics of our lives. And there is more to this mystery: it is a secret the bereaved hold in their hearts--a connection to the loved one gone--something the bereaved fear to share lest it be lost. It is a flood of memories at odd moments, a glimpse of a movement seen from the corner of one’s eye, a stranger seen in a passing car or on a street corner who for an instant resembles the one so missed, and those most secret thoughts, borne of longing and the mystery itself, where her voice seems to speak in our inner most hearts. Those moments are blessings that heal and keep the loved one alive and present in our secret selves.

Yet we have our lives to lead--steps to be taken throughout the days we each have remaining. The first difficult steps we take following such a great loss is to allow ourselves to feel about us the arms of those who would comfort us. Helen Keller wrote:

 We bereaved are not alone.  We belong to the largest company in the world - the company of those who have known suffering.  When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.
 
 Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world.  So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not vain.

The words of Helen Keller.

 So what better way for us to sweeten the pain of loss than to enter into the joy of celebration for a life well lived. Unitarian Universalist minister and poet, Kenneth Patton wrote
 
 Let this be a time of thanksgiving for a life lived, and not a time for brooding upon death.
 
 This season of farewell is not an occasion for weeping nor the measuring of loss;
 Rather let it be a time for remembering all the shapes of time and fortune and laughter that were the living history of her now departed, and all the gifts which her  passage bestowed upon us. Her days were many and their encounters fervent, for her occupation was the welfare of people and her purpose renewed the doings of every day. In the persons of men and women he she discovered their houses of treasure, and she inhabited the cities of their gatherings with delight. To bid good-bye to one who has known all that any person can expect from life is a time for giving thanks, and in our thanksgiving our sorrow will be postponed.
                                     ~Kenneth L. Patton

Reading           Rev. Hull

So in the spirit of giving thanks, we can know what Jean might say to us at this moment from two readings, important to her, that appear in a book by Helen Nearing titled "On Aging and Dying." These readings express so well the person Jean was through her life, even to the last, and what she would remind us about death, as well. First, these words written my Edith Wharton express so well the truth of Jean’s life and keep that truth that was her life alive for us:

 In spite of illness
 in spite of the archenemy, sorrow,
 one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change,  insatiable in intellectual curiosity,
interested in big things, and happy in small ways . . . .

 And then for this time, the words of Eileen Garrett express so well what Jean would say to us about death and life:

For myself, I do not need to look in terms of survival after death. I feel myself to be a part of the known properties of the earth’s family, and that is enough. One day, the breath I have been privileged to use will become again a part of the earth’s family ‘being’ . . . If there is another place to catch up with the ‘breath, I hope it will be as challenging as it has been here; but if it does not exist, it is enough that I lived well.

Music: "Jean" and "Unforgettable"
                                                Piano by Jack C.
  
Meditation

Silence is a blessing that can help us reach into the secret places of the heart--to contact feelings, memories, hopes that become overlaid by the doings of our living. Let this be a time of silence for prayer and meditation to touch those places of blessing in each of us.

 <silence>
May it be so.

Music: "Tenderly" and "I Gave My Love a Cherry" (Mom's lullabye)

Thoughts from the family

Members of Jean’s family would like to share with you what Jean’s life has meant to them. In their sharing, they honor the truth of her life and the blessings that her life bestowed on them that they will carry forever.

Music:  "As Time Goes By"   

Thoughts from the family

Reading      Rev. Hull
Someone once wrote for times such as these: “We are glad that she lived. We are glad that we saw her face, and felt the pressure of her hand. We cherish the memory of her words and deeds and character.”

A friend of one of Jean’s and Ted’s children sent this poem by poet, farmer, educator Wendell Berry. The friend changed the gender from Berry’s original poem to better focus these words on Jean’s life:

 In the day of her work
 When the grace of the world
 Was upon her, she made her way,
 Not turning back or looking aside,
 Light in her stride.

 Now may the grace of death
 be upon her, her spirit blessed
 in deep song of the world
 and the stars turning, the seasons
 returning, and long rest.

Thoughts from friends

We each entertain our inner private world of thoughts and memories and feelings. Yet we live our lives in the outer public life of family and friends and avocation or vocation; nevertheless, the quality of our inner private world is reflected by those experiences we share with others. Let this be a time where friends share those experiences of Jean that reflect the kind of person she was. You may come up to this podium to speak, or you can raise your hand, and Art will bring a microphone around to you.

 Please share you memories of Jean at this time.

Music:   "Watermark"   Piano by Mary F.

Closing poem:   "So Fine a Time"   
 (James Whitcomb Riley)   Read by Edward A. F.
                             

Closing words          Rev. Hull

As a closing, I would like to read a poem written my Isla Paschal Richardson and brought to national attention when it was read by Clark Clifford at the funeral of Averell Harriman.
 
 If I should ever leave you whom I love
 To go along the Silent Way, grieve not,
 Nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk
 Of me as if I were beside you there.
 (I’d come--I’d come, could I but find a way!
 But would not tears and grief be barriers?)
 And when you hear a song or see a bird
 I loved, please do not let the thought of me
 Be sad . . . For I am loving you just as
 I always have . . .You were so good to me!
 There are so many things I wanted still
 To do--so many things to say to you . . .
 Remember that I did not fear . . . It was
 Just leaving you that was so hard to face . . .
 We cannot see Beyond. . .But this I know:
 I love you so--’twas heaven here with you!

Yes, ‘twas heaven with you here Jean for many present today.

"And the wonderful fact is that when such a person as Jean dies, we don't lose what she gave us, what she brought forth in us.  She gave us herself.  This is the way a person lives after she dies.  It's real, not ghostly or sentimental.  It is a truth we can all accept, no matter what theories we may have about an afterlife in another realm of existence.  This, we say, is true:  we are better people because someone else lived.  The world is a better place because she lived.  She gave us a great gift, her life, her influence, and her presence.  We will treasure her image in our conscience and our consciousness.  In darkness we will always see more clearly because she lived.  In difficulty and danger we will always know the courage she brought forth.  And when we remember her, it will be as if she were present, and we will think more clearly and show more integrity and know more of what it means to love."

Closing music:  "Amazing Grace"      Bagpipes by Adam Stewart F.

Extinguishing the chalice  Jessica Margaret V. and Ethan V. [Jean's Grandchildren]


                                 * * *

PROGRAMS ON

CONGREGATIONAL LIFE